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Nov 20, 2022, 04:52 PM
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Member Since: Jul 2019
Location: Downtown Vibes, California
Posts: 15,701
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Thank you for checking in @Soupe du jour. I truly believe that the support you receive here is helpful for you - at least, I hope it is. And frankly, I'm sure we've all been wondering how you are.
Wow. You have just plain too much going on. No wonder you're bundled up beneath comforters. With regard to the gyno problems, forgive me if I'm stating the obvious; I'm just coming from my own experiences. You didn't mention menopause, which can certainly be the cause of the long, heavy periods. I'm sure you know that. So actually, what I'm going towards is fibroids. Has your gynecologist mentioned that? Fibroids can cause so many issues - as can a thickened uterine wall. And the two often occur together. Fun, fun.
I feel sad because you still seem unhappy, or maybe awfully alone, in your new culture. I think had that experience when I was living in Israel - and that was for a short, limited amount of time. Nevertheless, I thought I was going to come apart. For the first time in my life I had a full mind and body and soul experience of what it meant to be "alone in a crowd." And it felt terrible. My sister would have called it a "cannot run, cannot hide" situation. Wherever I went I could not get away from the feeling of...???? Hard to find the word that fits...it's a feeling.
I think it's excellent, and shows tremendous strength of will, for you to meditate on the void. You didn't mention this, but if you aren't already doing so, you could consider actually sitting zazen. Very challenging if one is feeling depressed or compromised - but the reward can be terrific.
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