We got our first snows of the season the day before yesterday and last night. Not a lot, but it was still nice to see. Today I have the house to myself for much of the day, as Hubby is meeting his friend at our new property.

I've had several doctors appointments lately and all kinds of things seem wrong with me. I fear I might have or be close to having diabetes type 2. The GP ordered further testing. My thyroid functioning is low again, so I'm now taking my Synthroid the way I'm SUPPOSED to, despite it working out OK for years. I had 14 days of non-stop period, but I think it's finally stopped, but only because my new gynecologist prescribed a hormone medication. I have to go back for the pap smear. I've had longer ones up to 23 days in the past (and irregularities for a few years) and am not yet dead, so I assume it isn't anything THAT bad. I don't know what's wrong. I think something more than just ovarian cysts, which I've had for years. He told me to go for a mammogram soon, but I don't expect any problem with that. She won't prescribe my Synthroid, but is rather sending me to an endocrinologist. Hassle! She also wants me to see a nephrologist again, because of my kidney functioning. Hopefully nothing worse is up than the usual. I also need to see an ENT, as my hearing has been poor for a while, and worsened this past week. It's clearly an issue I've had several times in the past. Hopefully the ENT can do what past ones did, which brings immediate relief, and lasts usually for three years. I've also had GI issues for a long while. Hopefully they are more stress-related than anything. Maybe IBS? Who knows! My first psychiatrist appointment isn't until early February. I do not yet have a therapist. Hubby has also been referred to other doctors and ordered to get more tests. I just hate having all of these doctors. It's overwhelming! I'm also notably depressed, surely because of countless stressors. I've been hiding in bed or on the couch under comforters. Yesterday my stomach was upset, I think because of the hormone pills, but today it seems better.

I've called my brother much more often than in the past. It is what it is. He's fighting. He still voices that I need not come. I don't feel psychologically ready. Yet, about a month ago my nephew sent me an email begging me to. I responded that "it's not yet the right time", but that I will come when it is. I haven't heard from him since.

It may all seem unbelievable, I know. I'm just hoping a lot of my (and Hubby's) medical issues aren't nearly as concerning as I fear. That the sun will come out (it was foggy for several days until yesterday) and much of it will be gone. I try to cope by meditating on "nothingness/void" (śūnyatā), in the meantime, like Buddhists. I don't write/say anything about my woes to anyone in my family other than my husband. They have even worse things going on. But if I do get diagnosed with diabetes, I'll ask my sister for advice. She has it and is now controlling it quite well.