I was in the hospital this summer. They told me I might need to come back for major surgery. (That's still up in the air.) While there, I got a call from my sister on the other side of the country. She had been drinking. She told me to get rid of my car and my furniture and leave my apartment, so I could travel thousands of miles to where she lived and move in with her. That way, she said, I would be near family. Then she and her nearby daughters would be able to look after me. If I didn't adopt her plan, all kind of awful things would happen to me . . . according to her.

I'm not disabled in any way. I've been looking after myself just fine. However, I have some anxiety about maybe needing surgery. That night I had nightmares that I knew were prompted by her phone call. In the morning, I sent her a text saying that her phone call added to my stress and left me upset.

She texted back a sweet apology. I appreciated that and texted her that I was grateful for her concern and offer of help . . . but that I had to use my own judgement. Since then I'm getting the cold shoulder from her. I've called her and texted her a few times. Always she's busy and has no time to talk. So I've stopped reaching out.

I don't know what to make of her. First she wants me to go live with her. Now she has gone months ignoring me. I'm starting to suspect she may have an actual psych disorder. The spree drinking may also be a factor. I'm trying to understand her, but I don't.

Every few years, something happens where she gets extremely offended and more or less cuts off contact with me. In the past, she has eventually gotten over these falling outs and gone back to being a good friend and caring sister. But it keeps happening. I'm always worried that the latest falling out is going to be the end of our relationship. She has cut a lot of people out of her life.

Though I don't go around diagnosing people, I've really wondered about her mental health. She strikes me as a person with a moderate degree of Borderline Personality Disorder. When angry - especially under the influence of alcohol - she can become almost psychotic. (This has led to her being put in handcuffs a few times, so I'm not exaggerating.)

I think the world of her, but the stress of trying to stay on her good side - and failing - has mounted up over the years. I think about different options of how to connect with her, but I keep deciding to do nothing. I don't want to be rebuffed and hurt.

I'm open to advice. I'ld be especially interested, if anyone reading this has dealt with borderline personality disorder in someone close to them.