Yes, part of what my mother has habitually done is exactly that; complain about not getting help then refusing it! She is immensely contrarian. So there’s never any making her happy. She makes it impossible. I guess she just wants to be miserable. She and I do not have that in common. At least, I don’t do that.

There are things she did/does that I swore I would never do, so toxic and abusive. For the most part, I succeeded at never doing them. However, this is my main issue with myself… I compulsively became like her in the conflict with my husband way, differently, There is a trigger he activates in me and I “act out” and have meltdowns.

I am working hard at trying to stop this vicious cycle.