Thank you all so much for your words. Since I married him almost 16 years ago, I haven't worked. And at that time I was still messing around in college so just had the usual, menial school job. No real experience. I've always wanted to be a housewife, ever since I was little. Have no idea why.

We have no children, and I have severe social anxiety. Having to get any job that isn't online is more than terrifying for me. I'm not on disability yet. Not until after the divorce. I Hope I qualify, as I have a couple other severe medical conditions also. I am seeing a counselor. She's not very much help, and where I live there are very few options of other ones. I'm pretty sure a person can't get alimony in this state. But if I can, my "lawyer" will be sure I get it. I put that into quotations because she's a friend of the family. Although we will pay, we're also getting a nice discount.

Living at my moms just makes me so incredibly sad. We're close, but we fight and get on each other's nerves Often. She has 7 cats and a small 2 bedroom house. I just stayed there for one week and I felt horrible. I just can't imagine it being healthy to live in a place that you're so very unhappy.

So when I say I cannot and will not love without him-- I cannot because of so many reasons, and yes I did become pretty dependent on him to help me with things. I just had to drive to the drugstore myself which is about 10 miles maybe? I'm not good with measurements. It was so super scary for me. This is terrible, but I don't even know how to pay for gas nowadays since things have changed so much. Please don't get too irritated with me!

I say will not because I just Have to do whatever I can to keep this marriage! Marriage is incredibly important to me. No, I'm not going to go kill him, but admittedly I have had thoughts about myself. They won't go anywhere. But that's why I'm seeing a therapist and I joined this forum to read others' stories and get advice from all of you. Nothing terrible even happened! He bottled everything up all these years, then just let's it out in one big blast because of a normal couples fight that triggered it, and now wants a divorce and I'm the most horrific person in the world to him! It isn't fair! I know- life isn't fair. But geeze he won't even accept a text from me.

I'm probably being an idiot, but I still have hope in my heart that maybe after a long, long cool-off period, he'll perhaps start to miss me and even perhaps rethink what happened. Still though, I ao much want to show him that I can and will change the few things he mentioned that actually Are changeable. I'm completely willing. But I'm at a roadblock. With that, and with accepting that he doesn't want me anymore. It's hard to when he used to tell me all the time that he does and he will and etc etc. He was always the sure one about us! Yes, I am having an incredibly hard time accepting. And thinking of just what I can do. Any ideas and I'm all ears. And advice, thoughts, relatable stories,... anything! He really is a wonderful guy.