!!! Trig Trig Trig !!!

Does anyone know what this is? Rapid cycling, mixed episode? What is the difference between the two? Or is there any difference?

Excuse any spelling or grammtical errors. I am trying my best to focus.

Last night I listened to happy hardcore (if you don't know what that is, it's mostly happy and upbeat music about rainbows and butterflies and the love for music) and cried. I felt like I was trapped, and that suicide was my only option. Two hours later I thought I could care less about what people think and that I thought of myself as a real riot, fun to be with and everything. Then I think I crashed down again, feeling anxious. I don't remember much, but I knew my moods kept fluctuating every two, three hours and sometimes overlapping themselves.

Right now, I am feeling like I am at the top of the world. Nothing else matters anymore. My problems are unexistant. I don't care that I have less than 300 € on my account and I need to sacrifice 50€ for dentist's bill because I forgot to cancel my appointment. And I will need a crapload of money on Thursday when I go to Sweden with my boyfriend.

He's probably happy to see me happy after a long time.

I think usually I would be frightened of going to new places where he knows people and I know nobody. I am really bad with people. I have only 1 friend besides my b/f. Hehe. But I don't care because this feeling is the best in the world and I would sacrifice everything I have for it.

I don't think I can quite put this feeling into words, but if anyone wants to know, the song "Dance Like You're Selling Nails" by Venetian Snares pretty much sounds like it. I don't know if I'm being psychotic but I think I perceive music differently. As if it is a language of sorts. I know, I know, it's silly but that is how I feel!

I feel like I am slightly drunk but without the heavy feeling that comes from it.

So Confused.