Thank you so much Open Eyes. That sounds exactly on the mark. Some other people around me have suggested there may be another woman, and I agree things may sound like that's a possibility. He says there isn't. And he's never been that type of guy, as far as I know. I hope I'm right in trusting him.

That he doesn't want the whole picture anymore, does this mean he doesn't love me anymore either? I have thought of this possibility also. It's awful. I just can't imagine that he didn't. Even up to the very last day he said and did his normal, loving things he always did.

Accepting, realizing, letting go, just even getting this into my head that he's gone and doesn't want me anymore has so far proven to be possibly the most difficult thing I have ever had to do in my life. My mom, who has also been divorced, says divorce is like a death. I agree except that I'm not sure it wouldn't be easier, For Me, if he really had died. Every day and all the time I try to realize and accept. But no matter how hard I try, there is always this little bit of hope in me that things could change. That he could change his mind after a long cool off period. Probably because that's what I would love to have happen, but I just cannot get that hope to die. I'm probably being an idiot and just setting myself up for more pain. I don't know how to get that hope to die. And I do Not know how to stop loving him or thinking about him or wishing everything was back how it used to be. He was and is a Wonderful person. There is nothing that he wouldn't do for me (used to be that way). Yes I'm angry about quite a number of things, but being angry doesn't seem to help. Mornings are the worst for me. I wake up and have to be reminded all over again that he isn't here and most likely won't be coming back. But I cannot accept that as the truth that he won't come back and I just don't know how to Make myself! I know it'll take time. But it still it's hard to even imagine that something like all this could be happening. And the only resource I have is my mom. He has a career, friends - to stay at their place and to have them help him move, he has knowledge of cars and homes and things about and around homes that need fixing like a broken sink drain or whatever. I have nothing. I feel SO LOST. Again, I do Not know how to even Realize all this!! I do not know what to do or where to start with anything. I really don't. One day at a time, it'll take time.... but that doesn't help with HOW or WHAT. I feel desperate and helpless.

P.S. I don't mean to seem like I'm screaming or yelling-- at anyone or in general. Just wanted to add emphasis with the exclamation marks.