Quote:
Originally Posted by *Beth*
I've found, throughout my life, that I'm a genuinely kind and understanding person. Sometimes someone crosses a line, however. When that happens and I assert myself the other person seems shocked by my ability to stand up for myself and they attack me. It feels like they think I was supposed to be "nice" regardless of how much they pushed me. This is a repeat pattern in my life. So what I'm doing, finally, in my late 50's, is trying my best to set healthy boundaries in the beginning...be fair to both myself and to the other person. That way, when I do say "No" or "I don't agree" - they don't act like I just tried to attack them, and start an argument with me.
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Yep I know what you mean when people seem shocked when you assert yourself, it's like they thought you were incapable of doing so the whole time. During the rare times I have stood up for myself, I've seen a couple people stand there and stare in disbelief that I said something right back. Most people verbally fight back in anger especially since they're not used to me saying something but a couple have been shocked speechless, a couple times the conversation didn't even continue because they had nothing else to say. I never yelled at anyone because I don't like yelling or screaming but the simple fact that I did something I usually don't do was enough to startle them, just simply saying please stop doing that or something similar is usually enough to either leave someone speechless or they will get defensive because they realize they're loosing their grip on you.