You're right zen. I was in this exact place at this time in 2002 and that's my whole point. I'll never be loved. What's life without love. It's not for me. Things are not going to change for me. Three years later and a whole string of more rejections and abandonment. I can't keep going down this same old road. I've no energy or desire left. There's just no point anymore. I have so much love but it has once again been questioned for valiidity and then rejected. It's my fault. It always is. I'm my own worst enemy. This is what my life is and always will be. This is no life. No life anybody would want. Not me. I took the risk, I opened my heart to somebody and now it is shattered. My life is shattered. It will always be shattered. As you can see, this is history repeating itself. I'm tired. I'm worn out.