This is very close to my experiences with people, too. I've had varying results while trying to work on it and become more assertive. Some have worked, some still hang in the air, somewhere over Lake Michigan....


Something I know I had to work on was not letting things pile up, and then getting frustrated, and perhaps over-reacting. I've been working on giving a more measured, rational response when someone has crossed a boundary with me. That's been the best tactic for me, so far.

Exactly - you've described this so well, I think. Certainly something I am working on.

I also try to give people a chance to explain their position if I find there is some friction happening. That gives me a chance to hear their point of view, before it all evolves into a misunderstanding, and emotions get tangled, or responses get misconstrued.

Yes, I believe it's so important for all involved, to be an active listener.

Older people can be tricky to deal with, I've found. There's actually so much going on underneath that surface, that I've found it's akin to walking into a mine field. This is situation where it's probably the most important time to become a good listener.

What an interesting observation, MG. Sadly, my own parents and all aunts and uncles died before I could really call them very old. The one grandmother (lived to be 100) who really was old, while actually always kind to me, was cantankerous from - well, from what I always heard, all of her life. So I don't think she was a good measuring stick. Hopefully there will be some truly old people around for me to have experiences with - and I'll be truly old enough to experience them!

If you suspect it's a case of people simply using you as an excuse to vent their anger, it is permissible to remind them that they don't get to do that. They need to justify that to you somehow, and back it up with an explanation. They have to give you a chance to respond. This gives everyone a fairer chance to be heard, and understood.

Yes. That is what I'm working on. It's tough when "that" person is so extremely defensive, I simply cannot speak without an attack occurring, unless the topic is either of interest to him or is entirely benign.

Great help from the Mayo Clinic: Being assertive: Reduce stress, communicate better - Mayo Clinic

Darn link won't work. But, thank you, anyway. I understand the concept.

Best of luck with it all.

Thank you, MG - and to you, too