Dear T,
I'm not entirely sure how I feel about today's session. I felt good after Monday's, though was maybe a little insecure in how you felt about a couple things I said. I'd hoped to walk in today and be able to look at you and know in the first moment that everything is OK. I didn't get that.

But I know I was also reacting to what I'd shared and concerned that today's session was right before a 5-day break. And I wonder if I was distancing myself, too? And so I felt a distance between us that I thought was all you, but was actually in part, maybe even in large part, coming from me?

If tomorrow were not a holiday, there's a decent chance I'd have sent you a very brief email confirming that everything is OK. And I imagine it probably would still be OK if I did that--you'd likely either reply tonight or Friday (or maybe just tomorrow like normal). But I think this gives me a chance to trust in the relationship and in what you said. (Like the thing about how you've never regretted answering my initial email for a session.) It gives me an opportunity to try on secure attachment.

I'm going to do my best to not reach out to you before our session Monday. I'm trying to look back at today's session and see the ways that we did connect and where you did provide a sense of reassurance. It's already working some (maybe this is a little-known side effect of the Covid booster?) I'm also going to think about how a 5-day break could be good for the relationship, with all of the contact in the past week or so. That the distance might be good. Maybe some things that feel very important and pressing now will fade away a bit.

I mean, there's a chance this experiment fails miserably (or some really bad outside life thing happens), and I'm totally freaking out about the relationship, say, Friday night, in which case I give myself permission to type up an email, then give it a waiting period until at least early Saturday. Or save it until we meet Monday. But I'm going to try it. I figure if I look at it as something I'm going to try, then I'll be happy if I achieve it, vs. beating myself if I don't meet my goal.

I hope you have a lovely Thanksgiving.
Love,
LT