I’m very sorry and I can sympathize with how difficult this is for you. I have experienced dealing with someone who exaggerates and even twists events around to things that never happened. It’s very distorted and can get very confusing. It’s distorted delusional thinking and can get so puzzling as to what is contributing to it. And YES I have witnessed this delusional thinking and the use of alcohol makes it even worse. And when someone gets attention from it and others believe the victim stories, the person can start believing their own lies. It’s awful!

I went through hell with my older sister who made things up and played the victim. It got so bad it repeatedly traumatized me. I saw different therapists who felt she had a personality disorder and they mentioned NPD, BPD, and Histrionic pd’s. I even thought about schizophrenia because she claimed to have special powers and could see ghosts and talk to them. She did at one point like to drink and smoke pot. My husband often said she behaved like a dry drunk. She is four years older than me and she always insisted on having the control and could be bossy.

I wanted to love her and have a good relationship with her. I unknowingly projected a better person in her than she actually was. She is the oldest and really never wanted to share my parents with younger siblings. That really came out loud and clear the last years of my parent’s lives. The person I loved in her never really existed. That’s very much like mourning a death.

As human beings we are prone to seeing things in others that do not really exist. Many nice caring people fall victim to extremely disordered people who pretend to be good but are not. Once you learn how to see the red flags and certain behaviors that are unhealthy it is amazing what you can see.

I do try to consider different things that can contribute to a persons behavior. My husband has ADHD and Dyslexia and he tends to fill a space and often has a poor sense of boundaries. It’s as though he is in constant mania and he struggles to sit still. He can get on my nerves because I am more laid back and am a deep thinker. Luckily for me I had two therapists that were similar to me that were both married to women with ADHD. They could easily be labeled as narcissists because of how their brain is wired where their behaviors can get overwhelming and frustrating.

So, there are different things in a person that can contribute to their behaviors which is why it’s important to see a professional rather then labeling them as the most common narcissist that is so common today.

Then as I mentioned, there can be hormonal problems involved that I know first hand can contribute to struggles with mental health. This is true for both men and women.

And then there is alcoholism that tends to be a real relationship killer and can leave a partner exhausted and traumatized. And if a person stops drinking, that doesn’t change the toxic patterns. The person tends to continue a toxic loop of behaviors. There is also a lack of maturity. For example, a 50 year old male or female only has the maturity of a teen or young partying college student.

There can be problems that despite all good intentions do not improve and can actually get worse with time.