My P-Doc helped me see that I cannot be gently on myself when my curiosity overshadows my self-care need. Putting self-care first felt selfish at first because I had been taught in an abusive home to bypass my own needs in preference to the adults in the home acting childish (inability to mature age appropriately due to alcohol and mental illness). Once I got self-care in first place, I could better "see" and allow curiosity to activate as a second place choice when appropriate (my call). Learning to NOT act upon every thing that pops into my head has been liberating. I respond now to what is best for my long range good rather than react within the moment, which was generated from heightened anxiety and impulsive behavior learned in the abusive home. THIS IS WHAT MY P-DOC wanted me to see in working within my medication so as not to continue pumping my own adrenaline/cortisol as an addiction. Becoming gentle on myself (in my thinking) changed the chemistry that was hurting me.