I think I found at least one answer for myself to help myself. I wrote about this on my FB abuse forum, but I replied to a woman who was saying how badly she wants her abuser to reciprocate her love and for the love to have been real. What I wrote was that NPD individuals are incapable of love and do not know or understand what love is and what love means. The mental illness prevents them from being able to reciprocate.

This fact actually helps to loosen my own trauma bond. And it really works!!!

I also feel a bit better today, after having spent some quality time with family last night. My sister commented that I seemed more relaxed and more like my old self. She said you're not so consumed by worry about how your husband is feeling and whether HE is comfortable. Which was an interesting reflection on my relationship dynamic with my husband. And it's true - with every family gathering that my family had, I was constantly concerned with my husband's comfort level, & beyond reason. And it's because he made it that way. He would have a complaint, or would be unhappy about something. So I was constantly catering to HIM. Enough of that.

It was nice to hear my sister say I seemed like my old self.