I got through the weekend without completely melting down and crying. But I did get angry and told him off briefly. Then, I withdrew into myself, there’s no point for the conversation and I know it. It’s hard to believe we have the same exact fight every weekend forever. It’s actually happening here.

I have an issue with invalidation; not being seen, heard, respected stemming from my FOO. Then my husband is the grand Poohbah of the gaslight. He is still gaslighting me about this same argument, saying he misunderstood. It’s just misunderstanding after misunderstanding. This was truly crazy-making.

What was this impossible thing I asked for? I asked him to bring forth some effort in our relationship. Specifically, he should, at least, make the smallest effort to make me feel like we are a man and a woman who are in a romantic relationship. He should make a plan for us to do something like a nice dinner, or treat me with some affection like we are lovers- that I want to feel loved especially at some time during a weekend, like a date night. This is the on-going fight. He just doesn’t ever step it up. No amount of my getting upset about his continually disappointing me at this will ever make him do it. He instead, is sucked in to his media addiction. He watches tv while he scrolls news headlines on his phone all day, non stop. There is nothing else. He doesn’t even speak to me, generally, while we are watching tv, like even to comment on the shows, minimally something generates from him. Fun guy, right?

I am going to Codependents Anonymous now. I have spent my married life completely dependent emotionally on his actions (inaction) and let it destroy me.