I think I've turned a corner in my recovery - I really feel I have made far more significant progress than even just 2 days ago!

I am wrapping my brain much better around the fact that my husband has a mental illness that prevents him from understanding or even knowing what love really is. It's like a light bulb that went off, and suddenly, all came together, all the pieces of the puzzle are together and it makes sense to me. He doesn't get it, nor will he ever get it. It's like trying to get blood from a rock, trying to extract real love from someone who has NPD. It's an impossible task, and they just cannot do it. And they became that way for X,W, or Z reasons due to a beyond dysfunctional upbringing. I don't feel bad for someone who has deliberately tried to tear me down. But, I just SEE. AND I SEE IT ALL NOW SO CLEARLY.

And honestly, it's the most liberating feeling in the world. I've had an "AHA" moment.