I'm usually all about working things out and seeing both points of view....that being said...some of the things you outline actually red flagged for me. I know this term is WAAAAY overused. And I'm not suggesting it is correct.......BUT......it sounds like you MIGHT be dealing with a sociopath. In that case, I'm so sorry but there is no saving that relationship. Even counseling tends not to work with them. IF again IF that is the case with her, I have read some things that suggest the inability to feel emotion is something they are born with and that lack of internal regulation leads to this behavior. I'm so sorry for all your pain.