Becoming an adult has to do with autonomy. Parents who have not developed their own autonomy often confuse enmeshment as abandonment when a child grows up and seeks autonomy as the next step in age appropriate development. The once enmeshed person often feels selfish and guilty, and then angry at a parent's reaction. A healthy parent raises a child to have their own independence and autonomy so they take care of themselves without being dependent on the aging parent who will not always be around. It's never too late to grow up in seeking healthier coping tools.