I have been reading the thread and following along. And I agree that your husband is emotionally abusive.

He knows what you want, you've been fighting about it for decades, and still he neglects to give you the one thing you ask for, which IS deliberate on his end.

He knows exactly what he's doing, and he knows how it effects you - how could he not at this stage? If you've said it to him in 100 different languages, OF COURSE he understands you! He's fooling you into thinking he doesn't! AND, he gaslights you, which is also deliberate AND an abuse tactic. Gaslighting is deliberate.

I agree that you have two options: either accept that he will never give you the one thing you are asking for and find other ways to be happy, OR you give up on the relationship and get out of it.

Tisha, I finally left my abusive husband - for the final time. And guess what? Yes, it's scary because I'm 52 and starting over and yes, I am alone and have bouts of loneliness. BUT, I get out, I meet people, I feel much more like myself since leaving him, I feel my true self coming back to life - as though the happy cells are coming to life within my whole body - I have freedom I did not have while under his thumb, and my self esteem is coming back.... ultimately, I feel GOOD, and I am FAR HAPPIER.

So, yes, while it can be scary to start over, the price you pay for staying in an abusive marriage is quite high. You live in misery and you live with neglect. I did, too. An abusive marriage deteriorates your mental health.

I am just telling you my experience after having left an abusive marriage... it doesn't mean that you must leave, only you can decide that, but I see the two options above for you.