I'm sorry you're in such pain. Is it possible that your mother is just not the best communicator? I'm guessing this isn't the first time she's said something that just sounds awful? I'm guessing she doesn't want you dead but that she IS worried about you. I don't know if her worry is justified, or not justified (like she believes you should be married with kids and you don't see that as a preferred way of life). Maybe you could ask her- Why are you worried about me?