You are all so wonderful here. I'm so glad I found this site. But what if it's Really True that you got yourself into this situation? That's just another lump of coal on the fire. And there is NOTHING in the world you can do about it.
I threw away the most wonderful and perfect person in my life and, in my mind, that I could ever exist. His decision was certainly abrupt, yes for sure,.but i can now understand how i threw it away. Forgive myself? Not this quickly now way. I want him back so much and he wants nothing to do with me. The last 16 years have all come together all of a sudden and are one big brick wall that doesn't allow anything to do with me be near any part of it.