Today is my father's birthday. He would have been 82 years old. It's also the same bday as a friend of mine who also died this last year while hiking in Nepal. A freak death... he should not have died. He was far too young.

I am sad today.

My sister, me and mom are gathering together for a dinner tonight in honor of dad. I am glad my sister is coming - at first, she wasn't able to, then I kind of guilted her into it. She was not present with me and mom on Thanksgiving Day, and I was hurt by that. Me and mom went out to eat alone by ourselves. My sister decided last minute to do her own Thanksgiving with her longtime fiance.

My mom says my sister hasn't really been there for her through my father's recent death. Well, she has and she hasn't. I've been there for my mom all along. I knew Thanksgiving would be hard without dad, and that's why I went with mom to dinner. But my sister was invited and so was her fiance. They decided last minute to do their own thing, I told my sister the other day that I was hurt that she didn't join us for Thanksgiving. We did have a family dinner on Saturday night with my sister, but it's not the same as being there for mom on the actual holiday.

My sister is weird. She has a weird/conflicting relationship with my mother - she resents our mom and has always felt since we were kids that mom loves me more and that she doesn't love my sister at all. And this is why I think my sister is distancing herself from mom, and why she cannot be there for her more fully to support mom about dad leaving us.

Family dynamics are complex. I just feel badly for my mother right now. But I AM glad that sis is joining us for dinner tonight. I told her it's important and that we are all we have now.

Here's a candle for both my father and my friend on their bdays.