I think the OP is right and there is confusion and mental health challenges going on in his wife. I think she is at a milestone where she feels something is missing. She had been struggling for a while and escaped through alcohol. Alcohol use NEVER fixes problems, instead it makes things worse on so many levels. I also think his wife is turning to a pier group that is misguided about her real needs.

Between her alcohol addiction and her saying things happened that never happened, there are red flags that she needs help. I think she is at times lashing out at him when he is not really doing anything wrong. Instead he represents a trap she wants to escape from. It’s very common when a child is at a point where they are ready to leave the nest and strike out on his/her own.

It’s along the lines of “I don’t want to play house anymore, I am bored and want to spread my wings like my child is doing”.