I always knew that substitute teaching was only temporary when I signed on to do it. It's flexible and pays better than restaurant or retail or barista jobs. But it's not steady work AND if students act up in your classroom, the school can exclude you.

So far this fall, a student pulled my hair to be funny, in a 4th grade classroom. A 5th grade student intentionally hit me in the face with a dodgeball after I'd stopped the game bc it got out of control, and some 3rd grade students messed with the teacher's Point Point Slide Deck when i had my back turned while helping some students.

So, because of these things, my substitute teaching account was suspended and the HR director wants to meet with me, to terminate me as a substitute teacher.

No, substitute teachers don't have teacher unions for support. You're an hourly contract employee of the district, so you have no job protection. Not even HR cares.

Since I have been a substitute teacher for a few years, my goal is to go to the meeting with the objective of sharing my POV and experience as a substitute. My hope is that the HR Director will let the schools I have good relationships with, act as professional job references for me.

Otherwise, I have to go through my network of people to ask them to be a character reference for me since the people who respect me, don't work in schools.

This is so annoying. I'm so fed up with temporary work. I just want full time work. I joined some agencies again today and have about 5 weeks of funds left. I can't borrow anymore than that from anyone, unfortunately.

I bought a nice used car this summer that has a loan attached to it. I already used 1 of 2 loan delay payments (where they stick the payment at the end of the loan). Most banks won't let people do the two consecutive loan payment delays back to back because that is 2 months of no car payments.

But, in case of emergencies sometimes that is people's only options. I find out tomorrow if the bank will approve my consecutive loan payment delay for December. Otherwise, I can't not pay the car payment b/c the bank will just repossess the car, after 30 days. I need to check. If they wait that long, I may just take a risk and hope I get a paycheck before 30 days from today, to pay December's car payment Otherwise, I have to surrender the car to the bank and forfeit the loan payment. What a pain.

Even if I start working next week in a temporary role, it will take the payroll 14-21 days to process my paperwork to pay me.

So, I'm a tad stressed out right now. And, I read again and again how people lose power over their lives when they reveal everything they're going through to others. So, I'm keeping mum about my situation as hard as it is.

Remember, I lived with that mentally ill woman in her house for a year where she got fired and stayed in bed for the year I lived with her; I had to feed her and take care of her cat, and set traps to exterminate all of the mice that built nests in her kitchen. And she found a job after that year, and lucked out with a huge inheritance after the death of her mother. So, she kept her house and her car and her friends.

Me? I don't feel like my friendships are real friends. They are more social acquaintances who would not be interested in giving me emotional support. So, I have to stay mum about my situation, and get emotional support from a walk in counseling center.

I can get SNAP food benefits restarted and I can seek out rental assistance programs in my city and county to help me with rent. That part is tricky because most nonprofits won't cut a rent check unless you have an eviction notice. And even then, some landlords will proceed with your eviction even if they get a rental assistance check. I don't know how my landlord would respond. I've always paid my rent on time. I can email the tenant coordinator and ask. Their finance guy is a real piece of work. He texts tenants threatening them, from what I've heard in my bldg.

I'm not "freaking" out b/c that won't help me. I am trying to stay focused and proactive but I'm emotionally upset that students' poor choices is why I'm in my situation.

The only people we can control is ourselves. Substitute teaching is difficult due to the lack of respect and lack of support by teachers and other staff. You'd think they'd want their substitutes to be successful and would provide their substitutes with as much help as necessary. Nope. Paras are few and far between and their absence in the classroom is why students get away with horryfingly bad behavior towards teachers and substitute teachers.

Hopefully, I'll find some other work while I continue job hunting for full time work. Its hard to be taken seriously by prospective employers when you don't have a 30 year career resume but a resume full of contractual roles. Although I know the technical IT field is contractual and pays good $$. I just don't have that kind of brain. Otherwise, I'd pursue IT classes for jobs. But I can't do that type of work.

I really wish I had a good support system but I don't. I'm 51 and feel like the culmination of choice and circumstance is why I'm in my present moment, and I'm really upset about it. At the substitute teacher luncheon, one woman I conversed with, previously was a 15 year executive assistant for a law firm. They laid her off when Covid hit and she's been an hourly $15/hr lunch para. She went from making $40/hr to $15/hr. She lives off her social security and her lunch para wages which aren't that much. So there's a lot of people in my same situation.

It just feels unfair and it stinks. And I'm feeling sad and exhausted and defeated. So I'm writing about it here. Sometimes I really despise people. This includes elementary aged students who screw with their substitute teachers livelihood by acting outrageously. They get to come to school again but their substitute teacher gets fired.