Hi all,

I’ve just come across this site, as I’ve really been looking for some good talk therapy, but everyone I’ve seen recently keeps coming up short.

Currently, I’m 4 months postpartum with my first child. Things have been going surprisingly well… but lately I’ve noticed my PTSD is flaring up and the anxiety is starting to keep me up again at night. I can’t let this get out of control again.

Prior to giving birth, I had been living in a major depressive episode since April 2020. I was no longer working, had too much anxiety to drive, and was barely able to get out of bed following my first manic episode, which resulted in 2 hospitalizations totaling 24 days in February 2020.

Much of that time is foggy, which I’m actually quite thankful for, but some of that period often creeps into my mind without warning. What I’m looking to do at this time, is to alleviate as many triggers as I can from my life. Mostly, what I’m referring to is old photos/videos/social media posts.

The problem with this is that the catalog is EXTENSIVE.

During my mania, I had just recently been assaulted and became extremely paranoid as I was living alone and the person knew where I lived and was involved in gang relations. I ended up finding solace in social media and actually felt safer constantly posting my thoughts and whereabouts. In my mind, I felt like this kept the rest of the world updated on my safety and if something were to happen, people would know something was wrong very quickly.

Luckily for me, Instagram completely deleted my account so I was able to wipe those traces, but Facebook I have still yet to tackle. Also, my photos and videos during that time are by the thousands.

I’m at a bit of a standstill and would like some advice/input.

I want to do a thorough audit of my Facebook and my phone. I want to get rid of these extremely triggering reminders. Where I’m struggling is how to go about doing it.

Some things could be a simple photo of a landscape and no one would think twice about it, but to me it’s linked to a horrible situation. Others, are long, in depth manic video rants/screenshots of my loved ones pleading for me to get help, etc.

The goal is to cut out as many triggers as possible. I know cutting everything isn’t even plausible, because the episode went on for months and I can’t fully erase my life, but I’d like to finally delete the things attached to extreme trauma.

Being that I have a newborn, I want to go about this in the cleanest way possible. I don’t know if I should take one day and just feel the emotions and get it over with or whether I should do it gradually. I’m also terrified of any after shock.

Also, I can’t avoid seeing the photos and reading the posts in order to know what needs to be gone…. But there’s so many videos. Do I watch them before I delete them? Part of me feels like if I’m going to do all this work I should get some final clarity that I may find in my words during that time.

I just don’t know.

Please let me know you thoughts/personal experiences. I just want to talk this through and make some progress in moving forward for my daughter and my overall well-being.