I'm sorry you're having such a difficult time. But I'm familiar with quite a bit of what you wrote. (I'll spare you the details.)

I know, in my own case, routine has become very important to me. With a few minor exceptions, I pretty-much do the same things in the same order every day. Often I'd rather not do anything. But I have my routine and I just follow it day-in and day-out and try as best I can to live in the moment. (By the way, we don't celebrate any holidays. It's been quite a few years now since we did any decorating for Christmas. It's just another day around here.)

Anyway, I hope you will be able to find a path to a more satisfying life. (You mentioned possibly doing some volunteer work. And that might be one thing that could help.) My best wishes to you...