Thanks to all of you above for posting such warm words of understanding. It takes the chill off how I feel.

Last evening I did pretty good. Picked up and tidied my place, took a shower, and made a good supper. Went to bed a 12 midnight, which is pretty good for me.

So far today was a failure. I stayed in bed all morning until 2 in the afternoon. I can't tell you how bad that makes me feel about myself. I'm disgusted that I did that.

I'm telling myself now that the best thing is to use the rest of the day in the best way. The whole day doesn't have to be a waste. So far I managed to get dressed. That's it! Next I'll make the bed and do some things around the house. I want to finish fixing up the living room to make room for the tree.

I'm telling myself that failing to get up this morning doesn't mean I'll fail again tomorrow morning. If I give in to hopelessness, nothing will improve. You have to keep getting up when you fall down. I'll make a better plan for tomorrow. Like putting an alarm clock in the kitchen and leaving a breakfast tray all set up. I want to gain back some faith in myself.

Yes, COVID kept me more isolated after my boyfriend died. I didn't go stay with relatives I normally would have visited. The vaccine hadn't come out.

I stay by myself because I feel that I won't fit in anywhere. I feel like a weirdo. I know I can fight that feeling and attempt to join into some activity, club or volunteer work. Some of this is laziness.

I'll start now doing things to use what's left of today. Getting into a routine is really what I need to do. Last evening felt pretty good when I made supper, watched my evening TV shows and went to bed at a half-ways decent hour.

Now I'm getting weepy beause I failed so bad so far today. That won't do any good. Just have to get up and try again. Just keep trying again, no matter how many hours get wasted.

Morning is the worst time for me. What do you all do in the morning to jump start your motor. I'm not a big fan of coffee. Maybe I should try it.