Hi Rose,
I did not read this thread before now. I am glad that you have begun the decorating for Christmas, but I want to say that there is nothing wrong with you for having set-backs.

May be you only long for somebody to share your life with more or less. Take a look at that after Christmas. It does not have to be somebody to share your home with, but some people you feel fine with.

I have those days when I feel that I need to find a new husband right away. So it happens that I ask myself if that is what I really want (to share my life with a husband)? It is hard to be alone! Still I feel more and more that I like to live alone.

Old friends had moved or was dead, so I had to start trying to look for new friendships. I joined a dance group, but felt I did not fit in. Instead I found a walking for fun group were I felt I really did fit in, a lot of same sense of humor and so on. We sometimes go out togheter for dinner after our walks (that's good). I don't feel very connected to the church members in the nearest church, but I go there regularly (repeating events are good for general health).

May be you can look at your interests, Rose, and pick some places where you go regularly, just to meet others either you like them or not and hopefully find a group where you find the tone with the others as well.

When we join groups, there usually are a "going out together" gathering (a party or similar) before Christmas and one before Summer. In such occasions we learn to know the others better and perhaps new friendships develop.

Don't loose hope! I do understand that it doesn't feel good to have to have borderliners in your family, but connections with others outside of family are possible. (It is also possible to do voluntary work a couple of hours a week. AT least one meet others and have that good feeling of doing something good).

Good wishes!