Hello all. Lot of things has happened over these months. I will not go to much in detail nor will I make this reading difficult for those who are still affected in one way or another.

I started my work and all went well - till I got so many duties that after a month I burned up. I didn’t slept for weeks and got then hospitalised. Some treated me well, but other staff didn’t.

It was an literal hell to be honest. Especially for my parents. You see, in Sweden if you say that you don’t want your folks to visit you - then it was all sealed. They can hunch you wherever they want, and if you say against them - they will put you on more drugs. And that was my mistake. Then that some nurses and caregivers handled all this situation by lying to me and my family, it didn’t helped me one bit.

Late October I got back from hospital, and I just was sleeping due to all side effects of those drugs. I could barely walk 300 meters. That is how it was. Now I’m walking 5-6km every day and go to the gym. I have kept doing this for almost a month now. Which, in matter of fact, is an impressive recovery and achievement. Now the doctors will see what I really have. Is it bipolar “unspecified” or is it just PTSD. But it was not by any manic episodes that I was hospitalised - it was from pure PTSD and insomnia. Now I take also propiomazine 25mg along with 5mg olanzapine and 300mg Ergenyl(2x in morning and 2x in evening) which has special side effects: that something crawls under the skin. Which makes me referring to Linking Park’s Chester Bennington and their song “Crawling”.

I just want to say to You all that there is hope. And my lesson from all this was to put some boundaries to my colleagues and my boss. That I cannot be everyone’s worker and work everywhere they point having all kind of tasks instead of the one and only I was hired for, because I will hit the wall again. This is the typical backside of working in schools.

I hope I’ll meet a doctor before holidays, even it’s unlikely. I really miss my job though and miss my students and colleagues. I will update my diary every week, perhaps not every day (even if I’ll try). Happy holidays all. And have faith in Yourselves.

“I want to live my life, not record it.” - Jackie Kennedy

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