@Blackholesun9, welcome to the forum and congrats on your new baby! I'm sorry to have only now seen your thread.

I hope you're still around. Please let us know. There are others here who are also happy to lend support. They need to be lassoed from the check-in thread or see your thread late, as I did.

I have never been diagnosed with PTSD, but did experience some trauma from past episodes. Some episodes are fuzzy in my mind, too, and I'm also glad for that...I think. Others really made recovery hard, but I've mostly prevailed. It's a long story. I'm in a much better place now than I was, and some of that trauma now seems like a chapter in a fictional story. The pages long since turned.

Regarding cleaning up some past stuff, if you can't get to it all, maybe just what you see in more recent weeks. Then, don't look further back...at least for a while. Please be in the present for yourself and your new baby. The other stuff need not matter as much. Let some be your past chapters, that you've turned the pages away from.