So I just got done talking with my case worker. I told her about the pills (that I had some, not that I took some) and she drove me to the police station to drop them off (but I only dropped off some really old Kpin, I still have a sht ton more of valium). I told her about the bloody vomit and she said that's not a good thing but she didn't seem super concerned. I think she wants me to tell my mom I've been binging and purging and that if I don't I'm at risk of cutting myself again or something like that, but I think that's BS. If I'm harming myself, I'm happy. B/P is a form of self harm so no need to cut.

I just feel so fccking numb all the time. I'm okay if I'm writing or playing the piano or guitar or some sort of self harm, but the rest of the time I just feel...idk...like nothing's real/nothing matters/there is only a very small probability this is actually reality so why go through this?