I'm slightly addicted to mixing methylphenidate, alcohol and sometimes low doses of diazepam. It makes me feel like my real self.

I'm prescribed Vyvanse, Dexedrine and clonazepam.. But those are just medications to me. They're not recreational. I really need them (If I were to not have them - For severe ADHD, no one understands that until the stimulant is discontinued at high dose and then given back. It's like psychiatrist abuse to me). I have schizophrenia (Hence the Invega) and DPDR (The olanzepine).

I stopped microdosing psilocybin/LSD smoking weed and using ketamine. My psychiatrist replaced phenibut with pregabalin and that lifts my baseline mood, makes me not apathetic with ups and downs (That have been happening the past 3 years - It was so exhausting).

I bought cocaine and meth this summer (A friend influenced me in a bad way) - I flushed them because they are too cardio/neurotoxic. I tried 3-fluorophenmetrazine and flushed that too. My cognition was failing.

I'm focusing on more healthier things, learning, meditation, still experimentation of things that will work, drinking lots of water.. I get enough sleep, I exercise moderately, good nutrition/eating, fasting, spirituality, reading, podcasts, music (Euphoria and contemplation), self awareness, introspection, conceptualization, trying to be my own friend (Because I'm so lonely - So I want to connect with family more), being less negative/sad/irritable, love myself... and to live with a purpose.. passion, etc.. Benefit society... Having conversations with people, living in the moment, being mindful...

Any criticisms are welcome. I'm grateful for everything in my life. I just have problems.