When I was younger, my entire extended family (and quite a few of their plus ones) would come down to my grandparent's home and have a big get-together, gift exchange, potluck, etc. I found it fun in that a small chunk of the extended family would remember me in the gift exchange and there was always food to spare, but in retrospect, it felt inauthentic. I realized why when after my grandfather died, the big Christmas get-togethers tapered off after about a year. Grandpa kept the family "tradition": going by sheer force of will, which included A LOT of cajoling, and threats of being disowned (or at least being made persona non grata) by the rest of the family. When he died, everyone went to their own "corners" and just did their own thing. Even the Christmas season can't seem to escape family politics.
There have been years I've been alone for Christmas, but I was perfectly content. When I think on those get-togethers of my childhood, I appreciate the silence much more.
I guess I've had the opposite problem. The holiday season has always been stifling for me with unwanted obligations courtesy of mercurial patriarchs so, even though I have a tree up, it's kind of nice to go "Bah, humbug!" to Christmas.
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"I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past, I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain."
-Litany Against Fear (Dune)
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