Quote:
Originally Posted by unaluna
Because a friend would not (nor be able to) engage with you on this level. You are (rather rudely) discounting his skills in talking with you. They are not simply "his feelings" - they are his therapeutic reactions to you, which is what you are paying him for.
If he feels battered, he is probably not the only one who feels that way. Thats what he is trying to tell you but for some reason you are unable or unwilling to hear it. You just want everyone around you to provide you relief. He is saying it would be unethical of him to do so.
At that point, you should stop and examine your feelings, not insist that he change his actions so you dont have to look at your feelings, or stop / change what you are doing, then look at THOSE feelings. Therein lies the sabotage and battering, giving him an ultimatum - your way or the highway.
I wonder what would have happened if ex-MC had NOT taken the call during the football game. I would love to hear your thoughts on that - on him holding his boundary.
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First, for like the 10th time, ex-MC called ME during the football game--I did not call him. He chose to break the boundary.
And he has said these are his feelings. He's not saying they're his therapeutic reactions to me. That might be different.
I *do* want to examine my feelings. That's what I'm trying to do with him! I want to be able to talk about my feelings. He seems reluctant to do so. I'm unclear as to how I'm giving him an ultimatum--I'm saying that I want to talk about this stuff. I want to process what's really going on here.
In terms of the battering, I also don't talk to others in my life the way I talk to him--he's my therapist and it's a different relationship. I feel like I should be able to give feedback to him that maybe I'd choose not to share with my H or a friend or relative. I pay him to do this. If I was paying a mechanic to fix my car, and he was doing a bad job with it, should I just be nice and say, "OK, this is fine"? Or if a restaurant messes up my order. And I have checked in with some other people in my life (not just now, but at times in the past) to make sure they don't feel this way.