So I spent the weekend working on this. At the moment I am hopeful I am making progress. I think there are two avenues to pursue.

1. Face and get specific about my personal liklihood of cancer. Over these months I have done a lot of research and I have found a lot of things that make me think my likelyhood of cancer is low. There are several things that I don't have / do that others do that shockingly are responsible for a lot of cancer. And frankly I suspect a lot of the information out there about cancer is not right... such as... that we get it as we get old. Turns out, a LOT of prescription drugs are known to cause cancer but it is kept quiet. Is it that we get cancer as we age or, is it that we take prescription drugs when we age. Anyway I am putting together a cancer fact sheet. I do have one major likelyhood issue, I am 40 lbs overweight.

2. I read two books that have always helped me and they did last night... one called 1. The power of now and the other 2. Brain over Binge. They are two plays on the same thing. The power of now has three points I need to remember - there is no future -- that is a made up illusion. We only have the now. Your brain is diseased and it constantly wants to talk at you - but you don't have to listen to it. Suffering comes from denial of what is. Stop trying to change the world when you can't really. Accept what you can't change or suffer. Brain over bing has a similar idea... basically she suggests the "mind vrs. brain" thing too but suggests your "mad" brain is that was because it is a survival mechanism... something we needed thousands of years ago, but now, not so much.

So the goal would seem to stop wasting my present worrying about the future... but doing that I am almost making the future happen that I don't want. I need to stop listening to the "mad" brain -- and focus on the present. I can change the present... I can't change a made up future. And by focusing on my present I will change the future.

Stay in the present and focus on doing healthy things like -- getting tests, losing weight, but never let your mind take off with you.... keep it in the present.