Dear T,
As often happens after trying to have rational thoughts like I was feeling earlier, I'm now freaking out a bit. I'm thinking about the negative stuff from today's session, the guardedness by both of us, a few things you said. Wondering if we can fully repair this. It's not my concern that you're going to terminate me, but whether I'll feel I can fully trust you again. And not worry you're going to tell me to "step back". I don't want to be walking on eggshells.

I know it's way too soon to know any of this. And you'll say that we can work through it. I know the thing about the Jamaican fruit cart was a joke, but it's still in my head a bit.

I just wish I was seeing you Wednesday. I know it was my own doing that I'm not, but I canceled that to see R before Friday happened.

I know I just need to sit with this. I can't reach out. I know you'd say I could, but I'm saying I can't. I've done that too much lately. See above re: stepping myself back. I just need to take it day by day, even hour by hour. And find ways to distract and occupy myself.

Love,
LT