Great question. I ask that of myself too. I had good enough parenting but probably emotional neglect possibly emotional abuse when I was younger just because my parents were dealing with big stuff and couldn't be bothered with child stuff. So why in the name of all that is good do I hurt myself so much? I have no answer.

Maybe it's genetic. Maybe it is learned behavior. Maybe it is mal-adaptive coping mechanisms? Maybe it is inevitable. Like trial by fire. Or something. The trick is to get to the other side, unscathed. Interested in hearing others replies as well. Kit