My Support Forums - View Single Post - Can We Talk About This? (It's the Season)

*Beth* · Dec 14, 2022, 07:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nonightowl

To those of you I’ve already talked to about this know my sentiments and situation. I see a few familiar members.

I will say that the stupid senior center is having this holiday movie showing and they had the GALL to say we can bring UP to 3 guests to ENJOY this event. Gosh I don’t even have one person to bring, yet can’t imagine having to pick out of my hypothetical 35 friends and family to choose 3 people. Why do they expect us to have all these people in our lives?? Or assume we do?! That was the final nail in the coffin.

The holidays start around Halloween here. The Christmas stuff is out next to the Halloween stuff and I’ve gotten Christmas catalogs as early as June or July!

I’ve posted in a similar thread, titled something like Most and least favorite holiday. Mostly it’s just myself and another member talking. If I figure out how to post a link I’ll do it later. I forgot and it’s harder on a phone.

I understand, owl. I do. The hurt and the absurdity. The bitterness that seeps in. I'm struggling with those feelings a lot this season. Frankly, it's scaring me. I do not want my life to spiral down into being a withdrawn, bitter old woman, filled with regrets, rotten at the core.

I don't want my last thoughts and my last breath to be that way.

Comparison. When we compare "me" to "you" we have immediately bought trouble. Example: The second you mentioned "phone" given the crap state I've been in this season, my thought was, "What's she complaining about?! I don't even own a decent cell phone! The only thing I can use my old pos phone for is a roadside emergency! Not only can't I afford one, I wouldn't know how to use it if I could afford one! Boy, how I'd love to be able to take pictures like everyone else does with a phone. But no! I can't, because I don't have a phone! And it's so embarrassing, too. Sheesh, that owl sure doesn't count her blessings!"

See how fast comparisons can get really, really ugly? Envy just bursts forth and bang! I'm all bitter and nasty and my night is ruined and just forget it all because who cares, I might as well die, it all stinks.

And I sit here feeling awful. This is most definitely not how I want to feel.

Am I making sense at all?