My Support Forums - View Single Post - Why am I so self-destructive?

*Beth* · Dec 14, 2022, 10:01 PM

Hi Boots. You remind me of what some Vietnam vets call a "lethal warrior." Guys - kids, really, teenagers - who fought in the jungles, slept in mud with monsoon rains pouring on them all night, fighting in a pointless war...wanna see a stellar movie, watch Platoon. So they went through living hell for at least 365 days, 24/7 of terrifying abuse, and all they wanted to do was come home. Just come home.

So those vets (if they survived) came home and a huge percentage of them, the first thing they did was become substance abusers. Pills and heroin. And you would think that the last thing they would want in their lives would be more violence. They had left war behind, right? But no. Most vets became extremely violent, major anger management issues that led to employment problems (if they could find a job at all, because they were strung out), because they'd go crazy on people at work and get fired and, of course, serious relationship issues because they'd become violent.

Gambling, reckless driving, you name it. Passive suicide and active suicide.

I also grew up in a home in which I was abused. I've dealt with the effects of it in some ways that are different than your ways, but there is no way around it. It is what it is.

When children, teens, young adults are exposed to trauma it attaches itself to us. I'll be 60 in a couple of weeks, I've been in therapy for 1,000 years and I have flashbacks just, it's ridiculous. I guess some of us are more predisposed to the effects of trauma than some others of us are. Maybe it's reincarnation.

I hope she won't be offended, but I'd sure like to get someone's input on this thread, if she's into giving it... @Blue_Bird.

So. Lethal Warrior. I just tell myself to keep focusing on the Warrior part. You, too