I had a good session with R today. Ended up doing virtual, as D has a minor upper respiratory illness (Covid negative, but there are like a dozen things going around here) and I didn't want to risk getting her or her kids sick. She had some good insight regarding Dr. T. I may post a bit more on it later, just kind of still processing now.

What's funny is, she said she had a client tell her they loved her this morning! And was OK with it. She said, "I'm a very different person from [Dr. T] though."

OK, I will include one thing here that seems pretty important. She confirmed that D is autistic. And said how OK, I probably adapt how I react to her as a result of that, knowing she processes things differently from me and has certain preferences (like re: touch, etc.). That she wasn't saying Dr. T was autistic necessarily, but that maybe I could think of him in a similar way, how he's different from me and I need to consider some of those differences in how I interact with him (like not wanting clients to say they love him, not wanting any touch beyond a handshake, if that).

Well, a few more things. That it does seem as though I'm trying to figure him out and sort of turn the tables on him (the client analyzing the therapist). And is it worth that energy? Where will it get me?

That maybe I should focus on the stuff he's good at--parenting, marriage, etc.--and consider seeing someone else for other work, whether simultaneously or later.

Also that if some of this is paternal--as he's rather similar to my father in many ways--would I get more out of trying to work on that relationship? R: "It would likely be more fulfilling--and cheaper!"

Finally, I said how in a way I felt shamed by Dr. T. Both in terms of his reaction to what I shared and also in some of his recent comments on how I "wear my heart on my sleeve" and "have strong emotions." The way he said it felt critical. And that I partly wanted to say to him: "This is just who I am. I share my feelings with people. I have strong emotions. There's nothing wrong with that." And R was like, "That's so much progress that you're saying that. That you aren't letting him define you. Can you see that, the progress?" Me: "Hm, yes, I guess I can."