We are doing a relationship course online.

I wish we would have done this at the beginning of the relationship. Everybody should have this education going in to a relationship. If we had this course, the bad behavior couldn’t have started and taken hold. We would have instantly recognized the unhealthy patterns that was the opposite of what was taught in the course. This relationship couldn’t have gone so far off track.

I’m approaching it from a position of all that happened is in the past, and trying to have a better relationship moving forward.

The first thing this course says is, ‘You love your partner, and you should do things to make them feel closer’. Some of the examples were a bit love bomby. This first premise is even a point of struggle for us.

Over the course of a lifetime, in reality, this concept of doing things to feel closer was mostly neglected, otherwise was done in ways that were nice, but did not induce feelings of sexuality. It was doing nice things for each other that was more friendly than romantic. This friendship, family relationship has been what kept us together.

I see his pattern has been to finally come through in giving to me after he has made me upset and angry with him because he didn’t do anything. This is very clear to me now, a montage of disappointment sparking dysregulation.

Looking at it as I should start giving and keep putting ‘coins in the jar’, I am trying to feel about it as I did in the beginning. It shouldn’t have become transactional. I eventually felt that I did for him but he doesn’t do for me. Then he finally did after I complained, forming the bad pattern of our dysfunction.