That is so much to deal with and even more difficult coming at this stressful time of year. I hope you can find some snippets of peace.

You put a lot of blame on yourself for your wife's behavior and I wonder if you would do the same thing if a friend were in this situation. Do you think your kids share equal blame with your wife for the things she did to them? If your son or daughter were married to someone who treats them the way your wife treats all of you, what would you advise them to do?


My father wasn't a great parent or husband. He and my mother fought a lot and I suspect he had a personality disorder. He finally left when I was a teenager and I can't tell you how much better life was after that for my siblings and I. We were a lot poorer and there was a sense of shame around divorce, but life was so much better! No more fights in the house, no more tension. No more dealing with a selfish, controlling person. This thing my mother had feared for so long turned out to be the best thing that ever happened.


My husband's mother chose to stay in a bad relationship with a man who was abusive to his children. Her kids shun her as much as they shun their father. I worry you may lose your children if you continue to live with your wife.