Session with Dr. T went well today. I shared with him some of the stuff I'd discussed with R. I said I realized I'd been pushing him too much in areas where he was uncomfortable and not respecting his feelings about it. And also sort of turning the tables on him, trying to analyze him instead. I said I was sorry for doing those things. He said he really appreciated my saying that and how it meant a lot to him. Then said that again at the end. So I guess it really affected him.

I also told him about what I'd said to R near the end about not letting him define me, how I am someone with strong emotions who shares them sometimes, and that's OK. How my mom acted like I should keep them all in, and I didn't want to feel I had to be that way. And I said I had a second part that I'd realized this morning. Dr. T asked if he could comment on the first part, and he said how the feelings themselves weren't the issues. That they're fine. But that he's trying to teach me how people can be affected what I do with them, like in terms of my sharing them.

I said the second part that struck me this morning was "I don't get to define you either." Like to not suggest there's something wrong with him for being uncomfortable with my feelings toward him. Or with how he is in general. That it's just how he is, and that's OK. He seemed to appreciate that as well.

As painful as some of this has been, I think it's also leading to some important realizations for me, maybe a breakthrough of sorts?