Is he helping you to understand what happens for you which leads you to push him on his feelings? And in contrast, who cares about how he feels about you pushing him?! It is his issue which he should take elsewhere to explore. The point of working with counter transference, or the therapist showing you their response, is that it needs to be in service of you - not to make you more emotionally compliant and acceptable.

He seems to repeatedly side step the therapeutic material in favour of considering his own feelings. The fact that you apologised for trying to analyse him (and that he accepted your apology) is a really good example of this. If he is allowing that kind of table-turning to occur in the therapy, he has poor awareness of his own boundary. It is his job to unpick the re-enactments between the two of you and hopefully avoid them. Instead, he seems to be upholding the re-enactment with the aim of teaching you about his reactions (because he is only teaching you what his reactions are, they are not universal reactions - lots of relationally based therapists would welcome your intense feelings about them).

I say re-enactment because I am assuming something similar has happened for you with others in terms of needing to understand them to feel safe, or working out the relationship to ensure your emotional survival. Essentially looking after the other - another dimension which is being played out here as the other therapist encourages you to consider Dr T's differences and make adjustments accordingly.

It all seems topsy-turvy and like stuff is being missed all over the place. I am waffling on really, but something about this reminds me of my ex-therapist. Beware of a therapist who heralds the relationship as the core of the onion when they are not capable of processing their own material (and don't even have the mechanisms in place to do so).