Hi Jane. You make some good points here. My mom taught me to keep my emotions and feelings inside, and there's this part of me that's wonders if I go too far in the other direction at times now. So I can see Dr. T's point in taking the other person's wants/needs/reactions into account.

At the same time, he's my therapist, and I feel like if there's any place that I should be able to feel open to share my feelings, it should be in the therapy space. I mean, assuming I'm not making threats toward him, it seems like he should be able to handle my feelings without telling me he might have to tell me to "take a step back."

Though he clarified yesterday that the "step back" comment was not about my sharing my feelings, but pushing or questioning him about his, like asking the previous week whether he feels love for his friends but just doesn't share it, or if he just doesn't feel that. He said "Feel, don't share." (A couple weeks ago, I said how maybe I just defined love differently from him, and he'd said "I don't tell my friends I love them, for example.") Note that I very specifically did *not* come out and ask whether he felt love toward me (and said I didn't expect to hear it back), though I imagine the question was implied.

I agree that shame is not a good teacher, and I tend to feel shame rather easily. I don't think Dr. T intentionally shamed me here, but it was like he couldn't hear me over his own feelings and reactions. He said he values this being an "authentic relationship," where we're each honest with each other and thinks that will help me. Though...hm, wasn't I just being honest with him in sharing my feelings? Why should I have to keep my feelings in for the sake of his comfort, but he gets to share his, even though some really hurt me? (Not just in regard to this, but other things.) Hm, that might be a question to ask him at some point--maybe not right now. He does say he tries to be as "gentle" with me as possible.

I'm glad you've had success with EMDR. Out of curiosity, did you get any treatment, such as medication, for the ADHD? I ask because I strongly suspect I have this as well, though T's and pdocs have always said "Oh, it's your anxiety." Dr. T agrees that I have definite executive functioning issues, which is a component. I wonder at times if it could be worth trying treatment for that, just to see if it might help me. And possibly EMDR.