Thread: confused ....
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Old Jun 04, 2008, 08:14 AM
jinnyann
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I went to visit T yesterday. I told her i am missing my abusive mother although i think it is a 'mother figure' i am actually missing. i also told her sometimes i write as 'treasure' a name my dad used to call me whe i was very young. the thing is, i know when i am writing, i am aware of what i'm writing but feel the need to get this out. She says i suffer with co-consciousness along with disossiative amnesia .... my inner small child needs to be nurtured and i do write from a childs point of view. Sometimes, even though i am aware of writing like this, i go back later and notice spelling mistakes i would never usually make. So she is not actually an alter, just the inner me needing to be nurtured. Does anyone else relate to this?

Sometimes i also feel 15 again, a time just before i put a stop to the abuse and went through a very traumatic time with my mother and abuser (they were lovers). I tend to act the same age like slamming doors and sulking and hurting, getting aggressive because i can't find the adult in me.

I'm just so confused,this is the first time in my life i have had 'correct' therapy for my issues and it is so overwhelming.

Any advice would be good just now ... thanks, Jinny xoxoxoxo