I’m in a relationship with a person who is the trigger. I always feel remorse with myself for my reactionary abuse. I am not pleased with myself for saying to him, in response to his triggering behavior, that ‘our relationship is just a struggle and he is an a hole’ (threw in some f bombs for effect). It was just one sentence. He didn’t respond. I walked away. I didn’t go off on a long rant and meltdown as I have in the past. I always feel ashamed of myself and apologize later for this. My reactionary abuse makes him look like a saint and me a demon. He baits me. I am working tremendously hard to control my behavior.

I don’t like this relationship. It’s not compatible. It’s not healthy. I am trying so I hard, but it always goes bad.

I’m not apologizing this time for my one sentence. But, I don’t want to set myself up again for his triggering. I just don’t know what to do here and am so stuck. I know my options. When I get to see my therapist soon (had to wait a month for an appointment), I will ask for support in leaving.