Prayers for your friend who's son died in Iraq. When I was in the war and ever since, I've known that the hard part is for the survivors. The deaths are very very sad, but the trauma facing the survivors is unimaginable to me.

I feel only a touch of this having lost friends alongside me in combat, but these were short-term, intense friendships, not the life-long relationships experienced by family and home town friends. *tears *panic

You can see where my empathy lies.

I have a great sadness that I never personally contacted the wife or parents of one young officer who was killed at the same time I was wounded. Others told me they had contacted them, but during my recovery, I just couldn't do it.

I was ready to try a couple years later, and peers advised that I should just leave it alone, that it would just reopen the agony if the family had worked through this already.

Many years later, an acquaintance of the family found that I was with their son when he died. I gave him the complete story, all the details. He asked whether it was ok for the son (who was born after his dad's death) or for his brothers/sisters to contact me. I agreed, telling him it would be extraordinarily emotional for all of us, but that I would do it by phone or in person if they wanted to meet me. I never heard from any of them after that.

Prayers for the survivors, and let the sons of your cousins know how much we appreciate all that they are doing. Their effort and success is far greater than what the media will tell us.

T.