@divine1966 - I am very grateful for your post, as I think the experience you've shared sounds so much like what I'm dealing with. The family member you describe sounds more severely afflicted than my sister, but the parallels are uncanny.

My sister has a daughter whose marriage completely collapsed. My sister insisted that her daughter move back home with her and her father. They lived in a different state. So my distraught niece, heart-broken over her husband's infidelity, moved back into my sister's 4 room apartment, taking her little son. Then I would get phone calls from my niece. She would be crying, saying that my sister told her to get out. My niece would tell me her mother said she could leave her little boy, but she was being told to go out into the street and not come back. My niece had nowhere to go, even temporarily. My sister would also demand that my brother-in-law back her up, and he would. Eventually, the drama would simmer down, and life would go on. (But it happened repeatedly.) They managed to all move to a good size home that they rented. I never let my sister know that my niece had told me about these incidents. So, yes, I'ld have to be crazy to entertain my sister's invitation for me to live with her.

My niece also told me that her mother would threaten suicide from time to time, while she was drinking. She was also given to screaming fits on occasion. Neighbors have called the police on her for her hostile, unruly behavior.

In between these incidents of extreme behavior, my sister can seem perfectly fine and normal. She can seem likable and responsible and even has a good sense of humor. Over the years, though, she seems to have lost all her friends. Her husband died. Then she cut off all contact with his family and wanted her adult daughters to do the same.

I think all this adds up to some kind of a personality disorder. I'm not a lover of psych labels. But I find that BPD helps me understand what to expect of her. This is an enduring pattern of dysfunctional behavior. I feel bad for her because she seems to be in the grip of something that takes over and drives these episodes of bizarre behavior.

I am heart-broken to have bad feelings between us. We actually have always been very close. She can be a completely different person at her best. Right now, I'm trying to prioritize my own welfare. It's been a rough year for me with 3 hospital admissions. We live thousands of miles apart. I have my own psych issues, dealing with depression and anxiety. This rift has affected me in a bad way. I may have to accept that I'm not going to have our relationship be the way I want it to be. I feel like there's nothing I can do, without risking getting hurt more. Maybe this will all blow over. I've been through this repeatedly with her. In her mind I'm guilty of something. I wrack my brain thinking I must have been insensitive and said something that made her feel bad. Then, on the other hand, I'm tired of walking on egg-shells, worried about setting her off. It's way too stressful. To accept that there's nothing I can do is hard.