@Rosi700 - It will be an okay Christmas, if I just have my place neat and clean. And make myself a nice dinner. Maybe go to church.

I never did put away the boxes last evening. I did nothing. This morning I woke up with terrible anxiety that I am really falling apart. I was becoming a nervous wreck.

But I've calmed down. Today is another day. I can do today what I failed to do yesterday. I don't have to fall apart. It's useless to get mad at myself for not doing things sooner. Yesterday is over. I can't change it. It's a week till Christmas. It doesn't have to be a bad week just because the past 7 days were a bad week. I need to have a little faith in myself. I feel like I've lost that.

Now I'll have some tea and Panettone. Then I can put away the boxes. Maybe this evening I'll go somewhere to look at Christmas lights. It's not too late to give myself a pleasant week before Christmas. If I make a small ham and sweet potatoes on Christmas, I will enjoy that.

The main thing seems to be that I have to stop being mad at myself. For some reason, I fell into a bad episode of depression. I didn't ask for it. I didn't do anything nasty that I need to feel guilty about. I have felt awful guilty . . . like I don't deserve to have any respect for myself. I have felt like it is a disgrace for me to have gotten depressed, when many people cope with much worse problems and don't get all blue that things aren't better. That train of thought is making me worse. Since my boyfriend died in 2020, I have recovered from grief and I've managed to not be depressed for a lot of the past 2 years. So, if I got through that, I can get through this. I think I'll try being nice to myself for awhile today. I'll tell myself that any little thing I get done is something to be happy about. Something is better than nothing, even just little somethings.